Aunt Eva Knew

 

Linda and I recently viewed a Tom Hanks movie  titled” The Green Mile “based on a Stephen King novel.  Hanks  was in charge of the unit in a southern  state prison that facilitated the electrocution of criminals.  A huge giant of a man was sentenced to die for killing two young children.  It was clear from the beginning that the   man was innocent.  During the film, this man resolved Hank's urinary condition; brought back to life a young mouse and took away a woman’s diseased brain tumor.  Making a long story short, the man , prior to being executed,  passed along some of his God-given magic to Hanks.  At the end of the film, Hanks at 109 years of age  told a woman in the old folks home that God cursed him to live that long and lose loved ones because he allowed God’s messenger to be electrocuted.  This disquisition raises the question, is it a curse to grow old and lose your loved ones?

 In the Old Testament, God's supernatural power was  exemplified by  curses of Eve, Cain and Abel, Jezebel, Noah, etc.Male old age was illustrated by Methuselah, Adam, Seth, Enosh,Mahalalei, Jared,Enooch and Lamech.  In Greek  mythology, the gods had no difficulty with their curses and told  dramatic stories about man. For instance, Sisyphus with his heavy boulder battling the mountain by pushing it up but never reaching the top over and over again; Hercules’s initial strength but insanity followed; Prometheus  day after day had an eagle tearing up his gut; and the personified figure of Geras, a bald bent, emancipated figure with pendant and reversed genitals as he leaned upon a thin, crooked stick.  In other words, the Greeks had mythical struggles between  strength which slayed the monsters, drained swamps, built walls and then  the feeble old man barely standing at the end.

Currently, we turn to the writings of Erik H.  Erikson, considered a neo-Freudian.  Erikson saw life as encountering psychosocial crises along the way.  If these crises were mastered, the individual would have developed a sense of character integrity.  If these crises were not mastered, the individual would have developed  a sense of despair in his character.  Jungian James Hillman wrote about the force of character during  aging.  Hellman, incorporated. Greek mythology and wrote about man’s struggles and  the outcomes that affect his character in a positive way. He stated what people do is who they are, is all they are.  In other words, character cannot be divorced from behavior.  He pointed out that aging is necessary for the human condition and suggested there's a reason why  we outlive  other mammals.  That being said, he believed  the last years confirm and fill one's character.

It’s true that aging can turn out to be a positive or negative experience.  For the negative. Dad passed away at 70 years of age. My grandfather died ,from diabetes,when father was 9. Dad began taking insulin for his juvenile diabetes diagnosis at age 21.  In his career, he was a union president and fought for his members and accomplished the extraordinary.  I was amazed when I attended one of his retirement dinners and heard about  his wonderful acknowledgements. His dreaded disease affected him physically and emotionally. At the end, he knew it was near when they began amputating his toes.  At the very end, he felt hopeless and in despair.

Mom was well thought of and well-liked.  She lived more than two decades after dad's passing.  Her life was directed towards taking care of her grandkids, reaching out to friends, former friends and helping a young  Charlotte navigate her life.  Mom sang,  played the piano, loved the movies, movie stars and demolished the competition at board games.  Mom lived independently and her children, my brother, a physician, became her personal doctor. He lived nearby with his family; my sister visited frequently ; and I often flew across the country  each year.  Mother being the second oldest had one brother, four sisters, and outlived all. She lived with integrity.

Yes, it’s true that with aging, there is loss.  If there is economic stress.  there is the likelihood of physical, emotional, and cognitive deficits.  Within that framework, aging can be  difficult as evidenced by addiction, obesity, loneliness, and suicide rates.Further, genetic predispositions can also affect aging in a negative way.Yes, we lose many terrific  and meaningful friends during the aging process.  As humans, we  can reflect and smile upon the  positive memories.

Today's centenarians are models for positive aging with  independence, prudent behavioral choices and with their cognitive and emotional  well-being.  For successful aging, one has to be able to keep physicality and play.  Jack Kirk comes to mind.  Jack was known as the Dipsea Demon.  Jack ran his first Dipsea at the age of 23 and ran his last at the age of 97; Ironman Lew Hollander competed in Ironman competitions into his 80s; Jim Steere, at 80, was the oldest to complete the Tevis and Doc. Shay, the rowing legend, in 2009 made her 30th crossing of the Molokai to Oahu, crossing.

Intellectually for optimum well-being during aging, one has many opportunities.  Reading,  incorporating and assimilation can continue to occur as wisdom develops and evolves.  Learning has no end but is a continuous process and there is much to uncover regarding our world and society.  Art, drawing for continued creativity employing imagination is paramount to none.  Other ways to stimulate cognition are engaging in philosophical and intellectual discussions.  Attending college classes, continuing education and seminars also provide avenues for stimulation and challenge. Personally, I enjoy all the above and incorporate material into my essays.

 Of course, thinking and behavior are related.  Engaging in risky behaviors, Is based upon  a distortion of reality. Playing competitive football, riding motorcycles, and competing in equestrian activities are factually  statistically dangerous irrespective  of meeting emotional needs of achievement, affiliation, aggression,  dominance and play. Our thinking is multifaceted and can deceive us easily.  Those risky behaviors are threats and stresses to well-being.  As a result, I had to repress or forget the dangerous realities. I did just that in my thinking.  I denied the danger's; rationalized the fun aspect and used reaction formation as defenses  by turning the potential harm to mind and body into excitement, thrills, with dopamine pleasures.  In other words, when confronted with real or imaginary intrapersonal , interpersonal, or predictive threats,  thinking  distorts reality in a multitude of ways. Thus, we cannot always trust our thinking as actions  are generally justified.  And believe me, with life, there are continuous threats and dangers ranging from physiological, safety, economic, power, prestige, possessions, love, and other losses as well as fear of disapproval, punishment and aggression from others or even  guilt. Reality presents dangers and subsequently we retreat inward to our imagination and wishful thinking. 

. Therefore, these risky behaviors are a realistic and potential  danger to  cognitive and physical or  mind and body . In thinking about these activities, one denies, distorts, and rationalizes  about the real  danger thereby with an attempt at distorting the reality of the threat . In other words, perception,thinking ,emotions and tension are at the site of our ego.  The proof is in the pudding or in the last phases of aging when one can ask “was it worth it?” Of course, one can and does continuously fool himself throughout. It’s not a curse by God  but about thinking and behavior.

Moreover, because of the negative attitude and opinion about aging in our culture, we need to reframe it completely.  Old age is not an affliction.  We have to change perceptions and illusions about aging and discover our intellectual intensity and/or passion.  Because we spend so much time in our minds, we have to think differently about our bodies.  We are more than our bodies.  We have our mind and imagination which separates us from all others. T.S. Eliot wrote, "Old men ought to be explorers."  Follow your curiosity, challenge old truths, look for reality in new places and by all means do not fear aging and death.

Emotional  well being requires contact with others.  I can't think of a greater gift than giving of self to another without the expectation of return.  Helping, assisting another is related to love and a humanitarian way of being.  Love is more than just words or a smile.  Love has to do with  attitude and behavior.  One has to be able to respect and trust oneself first.  If you can't respect and trust yourself, you can't do that with others.  Love also has to do with caring and being responsible.  With care, one has to be able to become aware with empathy of the needs of another.  To be able to care for a parent and/or spouse has no greater reward.  Being involved in their welfare and protection while keeping this awareness in your mind is significant.  Another way to give to another is through volunteering and the sharing of one's wisdom.  One can also provide monetary assistance to those in need.  There are many opportunities for giving and not taking which benefits both the giver and receiver. Of course, the physical, the intellectual and the emotional are based on character and character is a lifelong process.The quotes by Susan B.  Anthony "The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the world” fits nicely and by Johann Johannsson "Find the thing you do well and do it again and again the rest of your life."

In essence, aging can be a wonderful and positive experience or a negative and dreadful experience.Attitudes and beliefs are based upon the development of character.  Character determines the ability to make prudent, rational and self affirming choices or irrational, self-defeating, superficial, illusionary or supernatural ways of being. Of course, genetics counts for about 1/3 as far as  health is concerned.  In other words, examples  of our ability to deny, distort or falsify reality include finding scapegoats, blaming of parents, or a Que Sera Sera attitude.Thus irrational thinking simply reinforces the behavioral stance of being a victim.  Victims tend to perpetuate the behavior of being rescued and then behaviorally wind up persecuting that rescuer. Victims  also easily employ ego defenses of repression , reaction formation,rationalization,projection and endorse the fictional belief that they are entitled.More specifically, irrationality, in  thinking, is based on a neurotic  or misperceived danger . It’s anxiety or tension which is associated with helplessness; and/or the fear of interpersonal loss; fear of the loss of love or some gratification; some social ostracism threat, an idea , disapproval or punishment.  Unfortunately,  irrational thinking is repeated and followed with the repetition of turning against  self with punishing behavior.

References

Hillman, James.  The Force Of Character and the Lasting Life. 

Lieberman, Frank.  It Has Nothing To Do With Age.

PS

Aging provides a perspective.However, with aging we are aware of the transformation taking place physically, yet distort and separate the adolescent thinking taking place.  Historically, I marvel at all the outstanding and extraordinary accomplishments made by man.  On the other hand, I view the preponderance of lies, deception, misinformation and irrational behavior that's exhibited.  This war in Ukraine is an illustration.  We had no trouble invading Iraq because of the “weapons of mass destruction “ fiction. On the other hand, aunt Eva roughly  65 years ago, give or  take, provided me  with the secret of aging-one’s health.