Dependency Needs Unmet

 

"Toxic Masculinity" caught my attention in the November 6, 2022 edition of The New York Times.   The article was about a book titled  "We Are Proud Boys."  In this essay I  shall  clarify, expand and correct .

Points made in the article  include:  1. Liking a favorite TV show  where the male host put down feminism, black activism. and political correctness -which is hate 2.  The group's origins  started as an  all-male drinking club -which is adolescence behavior.  3.  The group became bodyguards  for right wing figures and  battled Black Lives Matter advocates- which is hate and being a bully 4. Use of clichés - drunk as a skunk; rear their ugly heads; word salads; and  you know what , hit the fan suggests a limited educational background and attainment. 5.Thrills of aggressive behaviors like being in the military  without risk, hardships and obligations but with the promise of violence . 6.A ranking system  of status - take an oath and swear not to masturbate more than once a month; and  commit a significant act of political violence or get arrested  which is rigid  obedience and conformity7.  Blamming  the industry of pornography as a Jewish plot Is simply-associated with paranoia ,prejudice ,and hate. 8.  Believing that testosterone and masculinity was being depleted or lost suggests ignorance and rationalization for feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and low self-esteem 9.  Many in the group were reared by divorced, stressed, inadequate single mothers  10.  Complaining that  Nancy Pelosi was the country's most powerful woman  which is reality11.  Native born are being replaced by minorities and women which are people with intelligence and  skills 12.  Fearful about the changing role of women as with voting  birth control, and power over reproduction. Women demonstrated they could perform  in jobs that were typically male which scares them .

Briefly , male dominance and strength over females was exhibited by the prehistoric males as they were the hunters and protectors.  Religion followed with the idea of a male God and Adam being the first male.  Depending  upon translation, the creation of  Eve followed.  Abraham,  Noah, King David ,Samson, and Moses furthered the idea of male power..  Generals, kings, popes and explorers were glorified.  In our country, we have founding fathers  and no mothers .Women  were not allowed to vote.  50 -60  years ago, the medical, legal, political, media, educational  and government was  male dominated.

Today, things have changed in that there is a greater percentage of females in the medical legal, political, media, educational and government.  Hillary Clinton had approximately 3 million more popular votes than  Trump. Kamelia Harris is our VP.  In the Olympics, the male record for 100 m is 9.58 by Usain Bolt  while the female record is 10.49 by Florence Griffith Joyner. The difference is ?  We have female astronauts .Who would like to get in the ring with Ronda Rousey?  In David Balducci's novel Daylight, the protagonist was a female FBI agent and a weightlifter.

Masculinity is not biological but notions, qualities and descriptions  first used in 1613. Characteristics of American males have been described as adventurousness, self-confidence, assertive, ambitious and competitive.   Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Ketanji  Brown Jackson come to mind . Don't forget Helen Klein, Ann Trason and Meghan Arbogast.  For more specifics, read the life stories of Doc  Shay, Sammie  Stanbro and Beverlee  Bentley in "It Has Nothing to Do With Age.". 

Yes, there are  biological differences between males and females.  Psychologically however, mental disorders apply to both males and females; as well as character and personality. Instead of talking about toxic masculinity, it's more accurate to talk about character development as pertaining to these paranoid, antisocial  sociopathic dependent criminals.

Developmentally speaking, newborns are reared by parents.  Identification then occurs with reinforcement expectations.  In other words, the child adopts same-sex parental behavior as a function of their nurturance, affection, competence and power. In the traditional family , where both parents are involved in reward and on the same page with their expectations and goals for their child ?  Studies have shown that boys identify with fathers, if the father is perceived as strong, powerful, and nurturing. There is  also a cognitive component of identification in that self-concept is an issue.  Does that child perceive himself to be male and if he does, what are the characteristics and components of that ideal male? Further, how much reward  was provided by parents for displaying these traits? Older siblings, peers and others also influence development of sex roles and behavior  through identification and imitation of others of the same sex. 

What about the identification, unmet dependency needs, character and personality development of these individuals ?  This group of males  were reared by a single mother.  If this mother was limited educationally and had health issues herself, child rearing would be a real challenge.  Not only that,  the boys were limited in identifying with primarily  her and with her character .  Was she authoritarian, permissive or  democratic within her child rearing? How obedient were they ?   It's not surprising that these boys had educational, emotional  and social problems or crises of  Identity in their development.  It's also not surprising that many of them went into the military where they learned to kill ,became obedient and were provided with food and shelter. And now they are in jail while being obedient and receiving  food and shelter with tax dollars again.  Don't forget, many of them are still dependent and living at home with mommy.

Drinking ,hate, gun ownership and  attacking defenseless minorities is associated with being a bully.  Were these boys bullied growing up?  They were certainly fearful and had to join a dysfunctional group to act out violence. Masturbating  only once a month is equated with  craziness.   Being a dependent boy with no power, limited skills, inadequate physical,  sexual and psychological development are their characteristics . 

These dependent boys named their group proud boys.  Boy refers to being male lacking maturity, strength and judgment.  Other boy terms have been "lover boy, boy toy, errand boy toy boy ,” not at all flattering. The name of this group is nothing about pride, but suggests inadequacy and being ashamed.  Their heroes include Rambo. Owning guns for non-hunting is a negative status and lack of security which leads to problems. With identification, they modeled with a  hateful, narcissistic  paranoid sociopath individual as their leader. Briefly, early identification is a process that leads the child to think, feel, and believe he has characteristics of another person. In  essence , a child acts as if he has possessed some of the characteristics, feelings or emotions of the person with whom he identifies. Security is key as the child incorporates himself in the person’s strength and adequacy.  In other words, the identification or model for these dysfunctional individuals  was toxic  and yet they were obedient, dependent and faithfully followed.

This is a group of males.  They are immature, and limited educationally, intellectually and emotionally.  They have a  mental illness diagnosis.  Yes, they are being discarded and replaced  in our capitalistic system that requires marketable skills in which they are limited.  They can't compete and with low self-esteem they are stuck on a treadmill of doom and gloom.   With jail time, they still do not have to compete.  Females are populating our colleges and universities in higher numbers than males.  Asians, Indians, and others come to this land motivated, educationally, socially and professionally suited.  We are fortunate to have females and others enter the professional workforce.  They get ahead for all the right reasons. We thank you.

There is no firm evidence that male and females are destined biologically  for sex roles .  However, cultures do socialize males and females differently.  These societies have  males being more self-reliant, independent,  and given more authority  with. legal and moral matters with prestige  than  in primitive societies.  Physical strength, endurance, motor skills and speed of movement were great determinants for their assignments and sex roles because of the importance for hunting and protecting others.  Does this mean make America great by going back to a time  when  less civilized blacks counted as two thirds ; slavery; killing “savage”  Indians; Civil  War ; kicking the Spanish out of Cuba; KKK running wild   and not allowing women to vote ?  No, this makes America stupid. 

 Roughly 30 to 50 years ago, the parents or parents of these dependent "boys"  had idiosyncratic ideas regarding being a competent human being based on their identifications and role models resulting from their parents.  They implemented, by modeling, and employed various  reinforcements for what they liked and disliked.  Were they consistent, probably not.  Did they reinforce behaviors related to pursuing truth, objectivity, reason and value education, learning, others, law and morality?  Were these parents secure in their relationships or were they under stress as well, as indicated by divorce.  In other words, the foundations of the “boys” character was established a long time ago for their role and behavior as citizens and their responsibility towards fellow men.  Moreover, the concept and practice of mental health principles is important for teaching and learning about how to treat others that are different from you. Hate by these  dependent  “boys” was  apparent toward fellow citizens. These individuals have failed miserably as  humans. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes said the Dalai Lama,

 

The story of masculinity or sex typing begins very early, but not before identification.  Briefly, identification is a process that leads the child to think, feel, and believe he has characteristics of another person. In  essence , a child acts as if he has possessed some of the characteristics,feelings or emotions of the person with whom he identifies. Security is key as the child incorporates himself in the person’s strength and adequacy. 

 Basically socialization of the child begins with the child's perception that he and the model are similar in many ways  as with some physical  or psychological attributes.  Parents usually have desirable characteristics such as power over the child's and other people; mastery of the environment and the ability to love.  In other words, the parents capabilities and privileges far exceed the child's own lack of power and mastery .Desirable characteristics and commands of resources such as power,love, and other skills, compensates vicariously  in that it employs emotions and pleasures enjoyed by that model.  Children may feel similar to the model by similarities in physical(white,male) appearance.  Hair color with various gestures,  type of speech,  language of put downs or  swearing etc. if the models are aggressive, the child  experiences fear and power.

It should be crystal clear that the how and when an individual perceives himself to be male begins very early in life.  Yes, society has stereotypes regarding masculinity.  However, how the child begins life is a socialization process with parents or parents .Was there  a strong nurturing and loving father present ?   

So they're going to protect older white males by identifying with an old, obese, amoral and narcissistic exploitative white male?  They perceive him as powerful.  How nurturing and loving can be received from this narcissist?  He didn't even come to their trial and testify on their behalf.