Need for Affection

  A New York Times article titled "Churches Near Dallas Abound.  So Do Their Pastors Scandals"  received my attention for this week's post.  One question, "Why would pastors  state things like "We don't have to worry about any sexual skeletons in our closet coming from the past and  She’s the only woman I've ever been with.  And I'm the only man she's ever been with in the biblical sense"  simply lie ? What does this say about their character and the followers they fooled and need for affection ?  This disposition provides one explanation.

According to the article, the Dallas Fort Worth region is home to more than 6,500 houses of worship,  with the highest concentration in the top 10 largest urban regions in the country......  Four are ranked in the 20 largest churches in the country   These great numbers of Protestant churches suggest a significant following.  Within this group of churches pastors have tremendous  charisma appeal.  In fact, one of these pastors was a one time faith advisor in Trump's administration.

With a great number of different churches, there's a tremendous competition for church membership and the marketing appeal suggests that the personality of the pastor is on display for recruitment.  In other words, there's power, prestige and status among these biblical leaders . They are extremely popular.  Why would  over 17 pastors risk shame , humiliation, loss of job, and potentially loss of marriage partner  at risk?  Is it a matter of rational thinking, failing marriage and/or moral failings?  Noteworthy among the sex scandal,have been sexual abuse with minors.

In previous essays, the ego needs of dependency, affiliation, abasement, sex  along with anxiety has been addressed.  Related to the above is the ego's need for affection.  Affection is defined as a feeling of liking for a person or place , feelings  or love, persuading someone to love you and attachment.  How does this motive supersede logic, rationality, oath, moral teachings?   Most   individuals want to give and receive affection.  The problem exists and can be identified when the ego need of affection is based on requiring reassurance for being liked , admired and expressed as an illusion of loving or pandering for loyalty  .A number of historical and fictional characters come to mind, including Trump..  

Samson and Delilah; Marc Antony and Cleopatrc; Abelard and Heloise; Romeo and Juliet; Don Quixote; Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara and of course Trump. Donald J Trump has been married three times; appeared with Howard Stern;  had affairs with Stormy and Karen  the Playboy model  while Milania was pregnant and  recently spoke about Arnold Palmer's genitalia for about 10 minutes at one  of his presentations.These limited examples are not illustrations of  his affectionate needs not being met 

The neurotic need for affection is behavior that's compulsive and ongoing.  It's a necessity, the person seeks happiness , security, being liked and admired .  Kamala Harris ,at the debate ,talked about crowd size with people  leaving before he was finished. For him, that was  threatening to his inflated narcissism-  sense of self. Were people leaving because of and the fear of not being liked?  Early on he bragged , misled and distorted the crowd size of his inauguration.  He claimed that he had a larger crowd size than Barack Obama.  He   distorted reality by lying  as pictures demonstrated.  It was not AI, it was factual that he had a smaller group than Barack Obama. They liked Obama better is a stressful reality that  he denied.

Kamala Harris and others exposed the anxiety, the insecurity of Trump's neurotic need to be liked when members in his cabinet reported that foreign authoritarian leaders easily manipulated him with their flattery.  Trump's neurotic  need for affection means being liked, being admired and especially loyalty. The translation  means that they love him.  Any time someone becomes irritated and puts down his policies, he calls them vermin, rapists ,enemy within, etc.,  They are the enemy and must be punished for disliking him.

When threatened, being disliked and not being loyal tends to result in reactive hostility.  He has to protect himself against the anxiety and one way is to be loved.  Is he admired because of his success, power, and possession ?.  He believes that his success in power, possession  and status makes him  desirable and that this enables him to  get away with inappropriate behaviors i.e. E J Caroll ,the TV interviews and Howard Stern radio shows.

Feelings of being loved, appreciated  and having succeeded in influence might be satisfactory for some ,but  not for Trump. He’still remains insecure.  In fact, his behaviors have put him in legal jeopardy.  He claims he wants loyalty ( for him, loyalty means some combination  of being loved, liked , respected )..

 Trump wants to be "loved" the way the German generals “loved “ Hitler. Does Trump also love the fact that about 14 million people died in World War II? He cannot understand why so many of his cabinet  members , marriages,  friendships and love affairs have  not provided him with  relief, security or satisfaction.   Trump  panders excessively: 1.He tells his followers that he loves them 2. Wrote love letters to North Korean dictator Kim.3.Said there were good Charlottesville thugs 4. Told the Proud Boys  to standby 5.Stated the January 6 rioters were patriots 6. Mentioned that Hitler did some good things. 7. He’s thinking about eliminating federal income taxes . However, these expressions are only the illusions of love as he is incapable of loving others. His words are hollow and mean nothing of the kind..  It's his way of “securing “ the irrationality of love. Trump's quest for love is not an expression of a positive attitude toward others.  Pandering is a trait that he’s mastered. It's based on  a fear that he will lose the support of others which would be disastrous to his being . It’s also used as  an  expectation to get the other under his control .Moreover, he  can't stand  the fact that Taylor Swift, Beyoncé and other celebrities are against him.  Are they too the enemy within?

In conclusion, those 17+ Protestant pastors were rightly fired for their sexual impropriety, suggesting appropriate standard, consequences, and likely approved by their churchgoers.  On the other hand, Donald J Trump exhibits another set of standards .Trump, the false Messiah , lies, steals, cheats , commits adultery  and covets resembling the antiChrist . Should  the significant Trump followers adhere to his words, attitude  or behavior or Christs’ ? And if Trump ,are they Christians  ?  Despite receiving "unconditional love “from so many, Trump remains  fearful , angry ,hateful  and neurotic.  His theme song could easily be "I can't get no satisfaction  .  I can't get no satisfaction because I try and I try and I try and I try I can't get no, I can't get no ."