Essence of Success

 This essay is a critique of an  article in the June 15, 2025 edition of the New York Times. The book is a story about sibling job success.  The children identified were the Brontë sisters; Murguia brother and sister; the Chen children; the Paulus family and the Polgar sisters 

According to the reviewer, this book attempted to elucidate commonalities among families that had more than one high achieving child. A few of the points made pertaining to success were the following: 1.  Unlike helicopter parents who remove obstacles and challenges,the author concluded that parents should not intervene  but instead should emphasize resourcefulness and self-sufficiency.  2.  These parents tended to avoid effusive praise  and employed a  withholding approach. This approach  leads a child to state  “that whatever we do ,we always feel like it's not enough ."  3.  These children  competed , friendly and supportive of each other.  4.  Some of the parents were enterprising and went to great lengths to expose their children to the theatre, museums with  most important mentors. 5. Mothers in particular ended up sacrificing a great deal 6.  A neuroscientist explained that excellence in chess was  based on one child's innate long-term memory and higher level processing speeds . She also had a father that  pushed her  to devote  her young  life  to chess, which further developed this special brain circuitry. 7. The conclusion - expose  children to enrichment opportunities, socializing them and  reading to them. 

To begin, there is a plethora of research studies related to high achievement .And it's one of our  ego needs. Some research was related to parental parenting styles, birth order, family illness ,conflicts, tragedies and many other variables It’s unfortunate that these findings were omitted.

Years ago in "It Has Nothing to Do That With Age" I told the stories of 7  successful athletes who were 65 years of age and older who  competed in extraordinary sports.  First of all, these men and women were intelligent, driven, passionate, and excelled in their sports. All  overcame various degrees of crisis ,conflict ,setbacks and  compensated for their  fear of failure with exceptional training . Jim Steere, DVM, and Fulbright scholar for example, as a young teen rode alone for some 100 trail miles  on horseback, from his father's house in rural California  to his mother's house in Los Angeles..  Both parents were extraordinary identification models .  They  both reinforced self-sufficiency taking responsibility and caring  for self ,animals and others.The words patriot and friend come to mind.  

Later in "Bo’s Warriors    Bo Schembechler and the Transformation of Michigan Football" The stories of 9  successful  mentally tough individuals were told.  These exceptional athletes were part of the University of Michigan's historic victory over Ohio State in 1969 as they overcame great odds..  Once again, success was significant . All were intelligent.  Their  unequalled victory was a  team victory composed of black and white young men.  All these individuals were driven and passionate  about their sport and recognized that the  team was an integral part of their success. The team ,the team  was drilled into their head by  Coach Bo Schembechler. 

Thom Darden, All American, first round draft pick and  one of the Cleveland Browns greatest players provided just one example. To overcome his fear of failure ,Thom intelligently studied the game with his coaches and excelled at training.  He overcame and dealt with racial discrimination,from  other athletes and coaches, notoriety, and season ending physical injuries. Furthermore, he also had parents that were terrific  models  that taught him respect, fair play,  responsibility, treating others with dignity ,spirituality, independence in thought and action.

Another way to think more broadly  about success  is from a humanistic psychology viewpoint  provided by Albert Maslow.  Maslow's framework provided characteristics:enabling  an individual to find his way of life in terms of what is true , what is important to him and his own self realization or self actualization.

Existential philosophers, psychologists and psychiatrists have also written about  self-actualization  or what  is potentially best in   humans . Some ideas relate to perception , cognition , reality , productivity, societal welfare, self-realization and interpersonal relationships. 

 Maslow researched successful individuals such as Thomas Jefferson, Lincoln, Einstein,Elenor Rosevelt, Jane Adams, William James,Schweitzer,,Aldous Huxley, and Spinoza .. Other potentials included Eugene V. Debs , Goethe,  Pablo Casals, Martin Buber, John Keats , Adlai Stevenson, Sholom Aleichem, Harriet Tubman, George Washington,  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Benjamin Franklin, Walt Whitman to name a few..

 According to Maslow,  a humanistic  society should be rooted in brotherliness and solidarity , not blood and soil  which gives man the possibility of transcending nature by creating rather than destroying; a sense of self experience  which opens the subject s powers  rather than  conformity in which a system of orientation and devotion exists without needing to destroy,to distort reality or worship idols.

Briefly , a few of Maslow’s characteristics of self actualization follow: 1.Efficient perception of reality 2. Acceptance of self and others;3. Spontaneity 4. Solving problems  outside  of self 5.Need for privacy 6.  Autonomy 7. Appreciation of nature  8. Mystic experiences 9. Feelings of identification, sympathy, and affection 10. Significant relationships with a few 11. Respect;of people from all walks of life 12 Able to differentiate means from ends 13. Sense of humor  14..Creativeness 15.Resistance to enculturation .

Years ago, Ed Budde hosted a book signing event for my first book titled  “It Has Nothing To Do  With Age” in Kansas City.  Ed invited his friend Connie  Dobler to join us.  Conrad just completed his book titled "Pride and Perseverance  , A Story of Courage, Hope and Redemption ‘ with a  forward to his book  written by Dan Deardorff, a Michigan All American and teammate.  Conrad was called , at one time ,  "NFL's Dirtiest Player."  Conrad wrote about his successes and failures  over  his lifetime .  Unfortunately, Connie , now a caretaker, is dealing with a freak accident that paralyzed his wife Amy. Also on the back cover is a memorable and personal quote.  by golf pro Phil  Mickelson.

In summation, a capitalistic viewpoint  of success can be described economically, job attainment, retirement, number of toys ,dream home , vacations , things  etc..  Success can also  be measured from a phenomenological point of view and/or a psychological perspective. Significant points to consider include  a point in time as a measurement as opposed to that of the human lifecycle . In measuring success as a point in time is like thinking about Sisyphus’s punishment.. He continued to exert force and was driven to reach the top of the mountain, over and over again during his ordeal. However, in reality ,reaching the top  might be temporary or maybe there are other goals ,asirations ,expectations or mountains to reach. Importantly, I agree with Aunt Eva when she talked about the importance and treasure of health. Therefore, in addition to Maslow’s self actualizing  model,as  a successful human, I add  the striving for health :1. Education- understanding   Einstein said, Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. Epictetus  said  Only the educated are free.  2”Keep moving” was mentioned by Ed Budde, All-American number one NFL draft pick  Super Bowl Champion- aerobics 3.  Strength training or pumping iron.  4.  Nutritional diet.

PS

Musk and  Gates are successful from an economic point of view.  However, one  exhibits severe , less healthy,neurotic character  flaws while the other has become a mensch with his “meaningful “  social welfare contributions. Having the most doesn’t bring happiness and contentment. From a successful , self actualizing, growth,  higher level  of human nature,  viewpoint, most human’s  fall short; some are like Sisyphus In that they come very  close  while only a small ratio reach that pinnacle.

Reference 

Maslow, Abraham H.  Motivation And Personality.