Age of Hostility

The article titled “Let’s Wage a War on Loneliness” was timely based on my recent essay that pertained to the denial, fear, and anxiety of being alone. This current article was published in the November 10, 2019 edition of the New York Times. Loneliness is a symptom of an illness in our Republic as we live in an Age of Hostility. We have been at war since 9/11; lead the world in incarceration rates; lead the world in the number of guns per capita; lead the world in number of homicides;  threatened by  terrorist and homeland attacks;  epidemic of opiate related deaths; lead the world in unevenness  of income; have more than 500,000 homeless;  exhibit  unfair employment  opportunities; high rates of   depression and  teen suicide ;  witness verbal and physical  attacks on different  political, religious, ethnic points of view;   continue to deal with the Roe vs Wade craziness; have  increasingly large numbers of hate groups;  have  excessive  social media, cable TV , film and radio  sadistic abuses; view excessive violent commercials and electronic games; use  of aggressive speech like “lock her up” and even the title “Let’s Wage a  War on Loneliness” depicts hate, prejudice, violence and hostility. These are just a few examples of disrespectful language and sadistic behavior exhibited by man toward man in our culture and suggest that the socialization of civility practices have failed.

Although the Existentialist Barrett expertly expressed man’s nature in the following: “the individual is thrust out of the sheltered nest that society has provided. He can no longer hide his nakedness by the old disguises….. He learns that the solitude of the self is an irreducible dimension of human life no matter how completely that self-had seemed to be contained in the social milieu. In the end, he sees each man as solitary and unsheltered before his own death”; it is clear that some are able to form interpersonal relationships better than others despite this reality.

It’s true that culture has a tremendous impact on the motives, goals, ideals and values that affect man’s needs and motives and/ or socialization. It is also clear that by preschool age, psychological differences and characteristics are present and are predictive of future adolescent and adult behavior. For example preschool children have been described as highly active, outgoing, boisterous, independent, explorative, curious, and adventurous. Other preschool children have been described as passive, dependent, shy, aggressive, and withdrawing. We also know that child’s personality, values, attitudes etc. are heavily influenced by parents who reside in that particular culture of hostility.

The need or motive that propels an individual toward other individuals has been described by Murray as the need for Affiliation. In order to have a friend, one “has to be near and enjoyably cooperate or reciprocate with an allied other.” It is clear that one would have to have positive experiences and reinforcements coupled with positive feelings toward another. Further, one has to “please and win affection of a cathected object.” Once again, one has to be able to navigate as well as to approach and avoid certain conflicts. This would take some degree of the development of empathy, care, respect and emotional strength. Also, one has to “adhere and remain loyal to a friend.” This suggests that despite perceived slights or disapproval one has enough ego strength in order to work through various disappointments, lies and injustices. In other words, one has to have important personality characteristics in establishing friends and friendships in an attempt to fulfill the need for union with another. Important personality characteristics are found within the emotional level. Emotions affects all perceptions. No one or the other are perfect. All humans have deficits or flaws. Yet, it is possible, for many, to develop unions despite various emotional limitations, conflicts and non - satisfying encounters.

Unfortunately, there are many physical and verbal violence and attacks on others. This toxic behavior runs rampant in our culture and severely affects the personality development of all individuals. Individuals brought up in this culture, pass characteristics on to their offspring and so forth. No one is immune from the dominance and impact of culture on its citizens. The newspaper article highlighted strategies developed by the current Minister of Loneliness in Great Britain to deal with this condition.

Various programs implemented in Great Britain are based on superficial techniques and not on various emotional needs or causes. They have slogans and campaigns like “Let’s Talk Loneliness.” Also, they provided small grants to local gardening clubs, birdwatching groups and others so they can invite people to join. They also support “friendly benches” which are public benches where people are encouraged to go and chat with one another.

Although these programs are well intended they do not address individual need structures. We can identify individuals at an early age that are likely to be lonely and have fears and anxiety of interacting with others. However our tax monies go to Defense; building a wall; putting immigrants and their children in separate cages; and maybe providing healthcare for our warriors. Just think of all the funding of monies by lobbyists for special interests, for corporations and even to re-elect our politicians. We can have a so called war on drugs but not a war on loneliness. I would reframe and not use the word” war” but instead use the word “alleviate “or” solve. “

It’s not surprising that many individuals fear and avoid others in this Age of Hostility.  Many individuals are sadomasochistic, narcissistic, impulsive, revengeful, prejudiced, mean, disrespectful, defected conscience – with moral limitations, argumentative, defensive, anxious, neurotic, demeaning, not truthful and non-trustworthy. It’s just not safe to be with many individuals that don’t seem to care one bit for another. Withdrawing into self, using drugs are just some of the behaviors that affect the loneliness epidemic. Certainly living in our culture of hostility affects personality development in negative or toxic ways for all concerned. As a result, our Republic is significantly affected. To treat our sick Republic, the necessary medicine required is for an adjustment in the attitude and behavior of its citizens that will result in changing the culture.